sometimes it just gets too much

16/09/2014

i have a lot on my plate right now and i'm writing this at 11 o'clock on a sunday night after spending almost four hours trying to writing a to-do list for an extremely jam packed week realising i literally do not have one spare second to myself between now and going away on sunday. don't get me wrong i am super grateful that i have so many opportunities and a busy life that keeps it interesting. it means my life is going somewhere and i'm working hard, but as a twenty-one year old girl all the responsibility i have forced upon me at the moment i'm sat here thinking i've just had enough of absolutely everything. i want to wrap myself up in my bedsheets and stay under there and only get back out when everything is stress free and everything that needs doing, is done.


guess what? i'm not a millionaire. i'm just an ordinary human being trying to manage a fashion blog; with a constant supply of new and exciting outfits, all the while trying to make ends meet in my daily life. with what seems like a never ending amount of payments going out such as car tax, MOT and whatever repairs i need all in one heft sitting not to mention monthly bills on a part-time wage (which i've chosen to restrict myself to) all so i can maintain blogging as often as i can, it can be really difficult.

i have only briefly spoke about the fact that i'm going through a bit of a health issue at the moment. it's not something i feel comfortable talking about via my blog as it is personal and it is quite scary if i sit down and think about (i try not to). but not knowing what it is actually wrong with you and having to wait for countless doctors appointments and going through tests is stressful and probably isn't helping. especially when you know something is wrong, and has escalated after suffering for well over a year with the same problem and having little to no support from previous doctors. being in pain on an almost daily basis; whether it's for fifteen minutes to two-to-three hours, is not fun and to be quite frank is exhausting. at the moment i just have to push through it and get on with daily life because at this current moment no-one knows what is wrong with me.

you guys are my beacon of light when i'm having dark moments such as right now which is why i'm writing this in the hope that you see it as me just getting feelings out. not that i am ungrateful or find my blog a burden, because that isn't the case at all. would my life be probably simpler without blogging? probably. but i wouldn't have something to work towards whole hearted where i know when i do have the time to work on it, makes me 100% happy. i'm just struggling to micro-manage everything at the moment despite my best efforts and i know that i won't feel like this forever. i just needed to write it down and get it out as i felt like i was one more thing away from a breakdown. if you have actually made it through and read everything, you deserve a medal for getting through it all
 
*tuesday update: before making this live i decided not to re-word or take anything out of this post. i wanted it to be as un-cut and as honest as i wrote it in the moment*

12 comments

  1. Awwww, please try your best to keep your head up and keep going. It's terrible when you go through hard times but as someone who has had my fair share of hard times I can tell you that as long as you can find the strength to will yourself to keep going things will get better for you. You have so many loyal followers who im sure can understand what a tough time your having and would more than forgive you if you had a little blogging break every now and again. You need to take care if yourself and get better, that's the most important thing. Your followers will always be here :) <3 <3 <3

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  2. I hope you have a fab and relaxing time in Venice hun and I know exactly how you feel, juggling a blog and work amongst everything else is hard work and I also am the same with the doctors, back for more blood tests and more appointments this week. As you say, you just want to know what it is as if you are like me you always expect the worst! Hope you feel better soon and we need to get a meet up arranged! xxx

    www.lurchhoundloves.com
    http://www.bloglovin.com/blog/4995777

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  3. I'm so sorry you've been ill, it sounds like you really need this trip to Venice! I hope writing this and getting it all out has helped you too. Hospital tests can be so scary, the waiting for results can be the worst. I hope they get to the bottom of it soon, if you need a blog break your followers will all understand! x

    Josie’s Journal

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  4. I'm so sorry that you're going through a terrible time :( I hope the doctors find out what's wrong with you soon so you can put your mind at rest.

    Take some time out to relax and let your body rest, we won't mind if you took a week off. Sure, we'd miss you but we'd understand! Xx

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  5. Sorry to hear you're going through a bad time lovely! I can totally relate to the feeling of everything getting too much as well - I work full time on top of my blog and I don't have a minute to myself. My life is work/blog/work/blog! I just hope all of our hard work pays off! Keep smiling! xxxx.

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  6. Sorry to hear girl I hope it all gets better
    http://dressedbys.blogspot.co.uk/
    S xx

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  7. Keep going lovely, it will get better (I know you're probably sick of hearing people say that, but I can promise it will). I was ill for 2 years with a stomach issue that the doctors couldn't diagnose. I was in pain constantly, could barely eat and was back and to to the doctors and hospitals practically every week - I ended up even having surgery and to this day they can't give me a diagnosis, but I've recently done a course called the Lightening Process that surprisingly has made me so much better. If you want any information on it, don't hesitate to email me seriously, I hate the thought of someone going through what I went through for two years and not being able to see a way out.

    I guess the point of this long winded comment is that you're not alone, and everything will get better. Just keep smiling and stay fabulous because you deserve all the amazing opportunities in the world for working as hard as you do <3

    Lucy-J Loves | UK Fashion, Beauty & Lifestyle

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  8. You know where I am if you ever need a chat, or just an ear to get your feelings out to. You can do it girly, be brave and patient and everything will be okay <3

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  9. You are very strong, dear. Just know that everything will be ok!

    xx,
    thetinydarling.com

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  10. Sorry to hear this news....I hope you get the correct help soon. :) ps. With regards to the tweets....it seems some people don't want to admit they need glasses!!

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  11. I love posts like this! Always so easy to forget that there's an actual person behind the blog with the same struggles as everyone else! Well done lovely & hope u get the help u need from docs! I'm in a similar situation so I know exactly how it feels to be in pain every single day, with no let up!

    Take care xxx

    http://www.mrsdloves.com

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