guess what? i'm not a millionaire. i'm just an ordinary human being trying to manage a fashion blog; with a constant supply of new and exciting outfits, all the while trying to make ends meet in my daily life. with what seems like a never ending amount of payments going out such as car tax, MOT and whatever repairs i need all in one heft sitting not to mention monthly bills on a part-time wage (which i've chosen to restrict myself to) all so i can maintain blogging as often as i can, it can be really difficult.
i have only briefly spoke about the fact that i'm going through a bit of a health issue at the moment. it's not something i feel comfortable talking about via my blog as it is personal and it is quite scary if i sit down and think about (i try not to). but not knowing what it is actually wrong with you and having to wait for countless doctors appointments and going through tests is stressful and probably isn't helping. especially when you know something is wrong, and has escalated after suffering for well over a year with the same problem and having little to no support from previous doctors. being in pain on an almost daily basis; whether it's for fifteen minutes to two-to-three hours, is not fun and to be quite frank is exhausting. at the moment i just have to push through it and get on with daily life because at this current moment no-one knows what is wrong with me.
you guys are my beacon of light when i'm having dark moments such as right now which is why i'm writing this in the hope that you see it as me just getting feelings out. not that i am ungrateful or find my blog a burden, because that isn't the case at all. would my life be probably simpler without blogging? probably. but i wouldn't have something to work towards whole hearted where i know when i do have the time to work on it, makes me 100% happy. i'm just struggling to micro-manage everything at the moment despite my best efforts and i know that i won't feel like this forever. i just needed to write it down and get it out as i felt like i was one more thing away from a breakdown. if you have actually made it through and read everything, you deserve a medal for getting through it all
*tuesday update: before making this live i decided not to re-word or take anything out of this post. i wanted it to be as un-cut and as honest as i wrote it in the moment*